Thu 22 May 2008
Playing Small in a Big World — Get Your Talents Out There
Posted by Joan under Random Firings , Work / Life Balance[5] Comments
“Everyone is talented at something. Everyone.”
Steve Roesler starts off a recent blog post with those words, offering a direct connection to another Core Dynamic I’m having issues with. This one is “limiting self expression” and it’s a doozy. It’s what keeps me from taking a bigger place in the world—it’s what keeps me small and contained. Safe, even—or so I think.
I know I’m not alone. I have a client who broke down in tears the other day because she learned that some other people in her field were doing a local workshop she had thought up—right down to the same title. Now, she hadn’t shared her idea for the workshop with anyone—it literally existed only in her mind—but that didn’t stop her from feeling (as she put it) betrayed and like a total failure.
Strong words. And stronger feelings. She was surprised, and more than a little embarrassed, at the depth of her feelings on an issue that she felt was irrational. These other people didn’t know that she was thinking about doing a workshop so she not only felt like a failure but she was beating herself up for allowing those feelings to overcome her.
It should be pretty obvious that this wasn’t about the workshop. It was a much deeper, fundamental feeling that she didn’t deserve success… and if she was successful she would pay the price. People (unspecified) would resent her and, besides, who was she to be telling other people what to do with their lives when her own was so messed up?
Does any of this sound familiar?
Working through this dynamic can have a profound effect on your life. When this dynamic is absent, you feel whole and complete without having to rely on outside affirmation. You know who you are and you are secure in expressing yourself fully in every aspect of your life.
This is an area I’m going to be spending some significant time on in the next week, to try and banish it from my life. I know I’m talented at a lot of things—now it’s time to put them to good use.
Where are you holding back in your life? Is there something you’re keeping hidden? Let it out for a little sunshine and air, and see what develops.
And let me know how that’s working out for you.
My Facebook
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Interesting and thought provoking, Joan. I think everyone can identify with this, it’s happened to me. I know I kept waiting to know more, be perfectly competent…then I ran out of time! I suddenly realized if I didn’t start teaching what I know now, I might be on my deathbed and too late. I discovered many things – you can never know it all, there’s always someone smarter – and there’s always someone not as smart, not as competent as you who’s already making money teaching and doing what you know better
So it might as well be you making the money with what you know now. Thanks for sharing this story.
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
As a solo entrepreneur, it’s easy to doubt yourself .. am I doing the right thing? Are there clients for my product? Should I just pack it in and go back to being an employee?
I’ve passed your blog url to a number of my solo entrepreneur pals and clients.
I look forward to more of your postings.
Bonnie Sainsbury
http://bonniesainsbury.typepad.com/my_weblog/
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:06 am
Joan, thanks for the nice mention.
The phenomenon that you lay out above is related to the following day’s post http://www.allthingsworkplace.com/2008/05/sales-version-h.html
What I’ve found is that a lot of folks in the helping professions—consultants/trainers included—tend to believe that the work will speak for itself and are then surprised that others are taking their “product” and running with it.
Now that I’ve seen your scenario, I think I’m going to put out a post just for consultants/helpers. Hopefully, this will be helpful:-)
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
Patsi—As my husband says, an expert is just someone who lives 10 miles out of town. Thanks for your thoughts—I definitely suffer from the “wanting it to be perfect” syndrome and am learning that it’s better to just get something out there and start doing.
Bonnie—The self-doubt does come easily sometimes, doesn’t it? I’ve thought about packing it in a number of times—especially recently—but can’t quite bring myself to pull the plug. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We’ll keep each other going!
Steve—Nice to see you again! Your follow-up post is right-on—thanks for including it. I’ll look forward to your words of wisdom for consultants—you always seem to hit it just right.
Joan
May 25th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Joan,
What a great story! I think we can all relate. I’ve known so many people who were much more successful in their field than others not so much because they were more talented or knew more, but because they believed in themselves and were willing to take action.
What concrete steps do you suggest for overcoming what is holding you back?
Look forward to your future posts.
Cheryl
http://cat-tales-blog.blogspot.com/