Recently, I went with a group of friends to hear my husband’s band. The gig was at the Red House Tavern in Baltimore, in an area with lots of nightlife. I drove, and one of my friends fretted all the way there – “This is hopeless. We’ll NEVER find a place to park – not in Canton in a Saturday night.”

She got so worked up about it that I finally said, “Don’t worry – I never have a problem finding a place.”

Of course, that didn’t satisfy her and she continued to worry and rant all the way downtown.

We got to the bar, turned the corner, and there was a nice big parking spot right at the next corner – easy in, easy out. My friend couldn’t believe it. “You are SO LUCKY” she said, almost pouting because I found a spot so easily.

I didn’t bother to tell her that luck had nothing to do with it. It was my belief that I would find a good parking space that led me to the spot. If this sounds a little woo-woo to you, join the club. All I know is, since I’ve started living my life in a happier, easier way, things like perfect parking spots appear all the time. I’m manifesting and attracting good things and life has never been better.

My beliefs play a big part in how my life is changing, and changing some of my core beliefs has been the key.

What’s Really Going On?

Remember when you were a kid and you had all sorts of funny beliefs? Like, the Tooth Fairy, or the monster living under your bed? Or, if you ate a watermelon seed it would grow in your stomach?

As adults, we think we’ve put aside all our silly beliefs but, in reality, we’ve traded under-the-bed monsters for some that are far more serious. These beliefs overshadow everything we do and holding on to them can have a profoundly negative effect on how we live our lives. There are three main areas where mistaken beliefs can trip us up, and they correspond to the three basic Core Dynamics.

1. Resisting feeling things fully. This belief tells us that we have to keep our emotions under control at all times, because if we allow ourselves to feel something fully, who knows what might happen? We fear that we would be overwhelmed by our emotions and unable to handle the consequences. When we lose this fear, we are able to completely and fully be present for all experiences.

2. Looking for yourself where you are not. This belief tells us that we are only as good (or bad) as other people think we are. We define ourselves by our possessions or our achievements; we start believing our own press. We look to things outside ourselves (fancy car, influential job, Ivy-league education) to define who we are. When we lose this belief, we feel whole and complete just as we are right now, and other people’s opinions cease to bother us.

3. Trying to force an outcome. “It’s my way or the highway.” This belief tells us that we can “make” things happen; it stops us from considering ideas that are contrary to the way we view things. We force things to happen in a certain way, or in a particular time-frame. When we lose this belief we feel more connected with other people and with the universe. We are no longer personally invested in an outcome and can step aside and let things happen in the easiest, best way possible.

These three beliefs are the basis of the 12 Core Dynamics of Common Problems - a personal development program created by Tom Stone. This program takes you back to the essential nature of who you are and helps release the negative energy that is holding you back.

If you are struggling in ANY area of life – crappy job, not enough money, unsatisfying relationship(s), wherever you feel your life is lacking – you can learn some simple techniques that will powerfully change your life for the better. I’m not kidding—your life will never be the same! Give me a shout and let’s get started.

Bosses have lots of difficult responsibilities. One of the hardest is deciding to fire or lay off someone.

This article from TheStreet.com discusses some of the issues involved and I honored to be included as an expert.

Have you ever had to fire someone? Drop me a line a tell me what you learned from the process, and what you’d do differently next time.

If you’ve ever been fired, I’d be very interested to hear your thoughts on what went well during the experience and what could have been done differently.

Photo by Sammis Co

We have an XBox 360 gaming system. My husband does the majority of the playing on it, but I like to play occasionally. I’ll play a lot for a week or so, and then I get tired and leave it alone for a while.

My favorite game is Elder Scrolls IV Oblivian—a role-playing game that is so complicated I’ve been playing it for over a year and I’m probably not even half-way done.

A while ago, I noticed that when my character interacted with other game characters, often they would be rude or belligerant or refuse to tell me things I needed to learn to complete a task. I was getting very frustrated and was about to toss it aside for a while when one of those little “game tips” popped up.

It said: “People don’t like it when you talk to them with your weapon drawn.”

I realized that I had been walking around with my sword in my hand, and that’s why characters in the game were reacting so negatively. I put the sword away and tried again.

Everyone I talked to was much nicer; I got the information I needed to complete my task easily and moved up a rank in the process.

It occurred to me that the game had given me some good advice for my non-gaming life, also.

If I approach people with an expectation that they will be rude, or unhelpful, or even just unconcerned (i.e., with my weapon drawn), that’s probably the reaction I’m going to get. But if I approach them with a smile and an expectation of cooperation and helpfulness, I usually get what I need without a lot of discussion or arguing. Everyone comes away feeling like a winner.

What a nice thought!