“Everyone is talented at something. Everyone.”

Steve Roesler starts off a recent blog post with those words, offering a direct connection to another Core Dynamic I’m having issues with. This one is “limiting self expression” and it’s a doozy. It’s what keeps me from taking a bigger place in the world—it’s what keeps me small and contained. Safe, even—or so I think.

I know I’m not alone. I have a client who broke down in tears the other day because she learned that some other people in her field were doing a local workshop she had thought up—right down to the same title. Now, she hadn’t shared her idea for the workshop with anyone—it literally existed only in her mind—but that didn’t stop her from feeling (as she put it) betrayed and like a total failure.

Strong words. And stronger feelings. She was surprised, and more than a little embarrassed, at the depth of her feelings on an issue that she felt was irrational. These other people didn’t know that she was thinking about doing a workshop so she not only felt like a failure but she was beating herself up for allowing those feelings to overcome her.

It should be pretty obvious that this wasn’t about the workshop. It was a much deeper, fundamental feeling that she didn’t deserve success… and if she was successful she would pay the price. People (unspecified) would resent her and, besides, who was she to be telling other people what to do with their lives when her own was so messed up?

Does any of this sound familiar?

Working through this dynamic can have a profound effect on your life. When this dynamic is absent, you feel whole and complete without having to rely on outside affirmation. You know who you are and you are secure in expressing yourself fully in every aspect of your life.

This is an area I’m going to be spending some significant time on in the next week, to try and banish it from my life. I know I’m talented at a lot of things—now it’s time to put them to good use.

Where are you holding back in your life? Is there something you’re keeping hidden? Let it out for a little sunshine and air, and see what develops.

And let me know how that’s working out for you.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m working with a special group of people dedicated to living a very cool life. As part of the process, we’re looking at the Core Dynamics of Common Problems and understanding how these dynamics are present in our lives.

One in particular I’m having difficulty getting rid of.

It’s called “Looking for yourself where you are not”. With this dynamic present, I tend to look outside myself for completeness- to other people, or to possessions, or to recognition for who I am in the world.

It’s a hard one to get past and, judging from some of the concerns I hear from clients, it’s something a lot of people struggle with.

Here are some suggestions for getting to the essence of who you are, and learning to be happy in that place.

1. Discover what you really want.’ Are you lingering in a job, or relationship, or living situation that doesn’t serve you well? Do you tend to turn life decisions over to circumstances or other people? Take some time and decide what you want for yourself. Be willing to make mistakes, or to step out into the unknown. Believe that the world in unfolding as it should, and let yourself be guided into your own perfect place.

2. Accept your mediocrity. You don’t have to be perfect at everything. There are plenty of things in your life that you do”good enough” – making an omelet, vacuuming the carpet, mowing the lawn – and that don’t need to be done any better. Give yourself permission to be “good enough” in these areas and move on.

3. Create a vision board. Think for a minute about who you want to be, where you want to live, what you want to do with your life. Create a picture of that person using photos, magazine pictures, words, whatever speaks to you, and put it all on a poster board. Hang it where you’ll see it every day and start manifesting that “you”.

4. Change your thoughts. If you find yourself saying, “I should have done thus-and-so”, or,”I really ought to do this instead of that”, rewrite the script. Ask yourself “why?” Why should I volunteer for this committee? What will happen if I don’t? Whose life am I living? And if you find the answer is “someone else’s life”, give yourself permission to say no and start looking for something you can say yes to.

If you’re complete and happy with yourself, then you understand that your life is unfolding perfectly. If you stay in that place of true understanding and perfection, you can’t fail.

Where are you looking outside yourself for affirmation and how is that affecting your life?