Photo by James Jordan

Ever had one of those experiences where you know you need to do, or not do, something?

Did you listen?

I had an experience recently where I ignored my intuition and talked myself out of what I knew was wrong.

Thinking vs knowing

We had some behavioral issues with Napoleon, one of our Great Danes, and needed to get him into training. I found out a friend of a friend was a dog trainer, so we suited him up and toddled off to class.

The first class, I went by myself. I liked the trainer immediately, but found myself growing more and more uncomfortable with some of her training methods. Nothing abusive or bad, but I had a growing sense that this wasn’t the place for me or my dog.

I ignored my intuition, got into my head and reminded myself of all the reasons why this was the “right” choice.

The next week, I took my husband to class with me to get his reaction. He was totally fine with the class, yet I still couldn’t shake my feeling that this was not where I belonged. And Napoleon seemed seemed to be getting more and more stubborn about refusing to do the exercises.

So, I talked myself out of it again. Told myself I had no reason to feel uncomfortable; no one else seemed uncomfortable; I must be over-reacting; the trainer is the expert, who am I to question what’s going on?

The third class rolled around and I forced myself to go. I was so uncomfortable, I ended up in tears in the car on the way home. And at that point, I decided that I didn’t care what other people thought — I wasn’t going to continue in something that made me acutely uncomfortable, whether it made sense or not.

Reasoning

When I tried to explain my reasoning to my husband, he couldn’t understand it. What did I mean, I felt uncomfortable? What was uncomfortable? Didn’t I think I was over-reacting? What were we going to do instead?

I felt put on the defensive. After all, I couldn’t really explain my feelings — they were “just” feelings. And I almost started second-guessing my intuition again — getting into my head instead of listening to my heart.

The truth is, if you’re following your intuition and acting out of “knowing”, often you can’t explain your actions. I certainly couldn’t set down in concrete reasons why I wasn’t comfortable in this training class; I just knew it wasn’t the right place for me to be. It doesn’t mean the trainer was wrong, or the other people in the class were wrong, it just means I need to be someplace else.

Where are you on the intuitive scale? Is there a time when you acted on your intuition and were glad you listened to your gut? Or a time when you didn’t act, and regretted it afterwards? I’d love to hear your story.

Get Sourced. Get Quoted. Get Famous: www.helpareporter.com - Putting Journalists and Sources together, one quote at a time.

For a little tongue-in-cheek fun, check out Jane’s list of the hottest male bloggers – a completely unscientific review of who’s hot (and who’s not) in the blogosphere.

SInce my husband doesn’t have a blog, and my coach wasn’t nominated, my vote goes to Peter Shankman – he’s smart, funny as hell, and jumps out of airplanes for fun. How can you beat that?

Enjoy!

UPDATE: The results are in, and guess who won?!

Photo by L_Dan

I read a lot of blogs, I’m on several different listservs, and I can state, unequivocally, there are a lot of terrible writers out there.

There are bloggers, and other writers, who seem to have only a passing knowledge of the English language — and I’m not talking about writers whose first language is something other than English.

You know…people who write ”there” instead of “their”, or vice versa. Or who write (and this is an actual sentence from a blog), “I now what your going threw.” (Translation: “I know what you’re going through.”) Or, “compliment” instead of “complement”. (Hint: a “compliment” is “You’re very pretty”, so when your copy says “We have several different assessments to compliment your learning experience”, the word use is wrong.)

To help us out, Dean Hunt provides some chuckles and some food for thought with ”Bloggers are Terrible Writers“.

Some of the rules he lists are stylistic – using parentheses, for example — or not using sentence fragments.

In my blog and newsletter writing, and in my e-courses, I sometimes use sentence fragments or start sentences with “and” or do other things that a strict adherence to the rules of proper writing wouldn’t allow. I try to write as myself, to put my voice down on paper and let my readers know me through my writing. It’s a style that suits me and, I think, reads very much the way I talk.

I know I use too many dashes and probably commit other writing sins that would make my high school English teacher weep in despair. But I think learning to write “proper” English gave me the foundation to know when it’s all right (or necessary, even) to break the rules.

When I go to a blog or website, or brick and mortar store, and come face-to-face with bad writing, it makes me stop and think “Do I really want to spend my money with someone who is so careless about word use?” I know everyone makes typos occasionally, but when I see consistent poor grammar on a website I tend to assume that the owner is going to be just as slipshod in other areas of their work and I click away.

How do you think bad writing on the web, or elsewhere, affects you? Have any groan-inducing examples of bad wordsmithing? Please share!

Photo by Jorge-11

The year’s half over. Or, as Jay Leno says, you’ve now moved from being the last person on the block to take your Christmas lights down to being the first person to put them up.

How far have you come in this half-year? Are you half-way to a better life? Do you even know what a better life would look like for you?

It’s not too late. Starting now, do something (no matter how small) every day to start living the life you want and you’ll be pleasantly surprised and proud on December 31st when you look back on this year.

Here are my suggestions for steps you can take to create and live the life you want.

1. Be alive to the possibilities.  Don’t narrow your vision to the point where you overlook alternatives. If you keep your eyes right down the middle of the road, your view will never change. Look around and see what you’ve been missing.

2. Accentuate the positive. Start looking for things going right in your life. They’re there, I promise. Often, we focus so strongly on what’s going wrong that we overlook what’s going right. Ok, maybe you overcooked the meatloaf last night. But the scalloped potatoes were perfect! Have a second helping of potatoes, and laugh about the meatloaf.

3. Unclutter your environment. You can’t do your best work if you have to shift through piles of papers or other debris just to find your desk. Take just 15 minutes a day to clear up some clutter and give yourself the gift of a more restful environment.

4. Read every day. It’s free and easy – and how many things can you say that about? If you spend 20 minutes a day with a book that excites, motivates, or educates you, it is time very well spent.

5. Keep learning. You know all that time you spend in your car listening to the same news and talking heads over and over? Pop in an educational or motivational tape or CD and give your brain something good to chew on.

6. Play! Add some fun to your life. Teach the dog a new trick; challenge your teenager to Guitar Hero; learn to salsa dance; or, just go for a walk with someone you love and laugh about silly, nonsensical things.

7. Practice gratitude. Before you go to bed each night, spend a few minutes thinking about the day. Write down five things you’re grateful for and give thanks to the universe for bringing these joys into your life.

8. Appreciate your loved one. Every day, think “What can I do today to show my spouse/partner/loved one what he/she means to me?” Then do it.

9. Get enough sleep. It’s time to stop getting more done at the expense of your rest. Numerous studies show that adults need 7 – 9 hours of sleep a night. Make a point of getting to bed a little earlier and see how much more energy you have and how clearer your thinking is.

10. Accept responsibility. Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, “The buck stops here.” If it’s good enough for Harry, it’s good enough for you. Stop blaming other people or circumstances for what’s going on in your life. You have the power to create a life that supports you and lifts you up. Go get it.

What are your suggestions for creating a life you deserve? I’d love to hear your best ideas!

brilliant…smart…funny…original…gone…too…soon

George Carlin: Soft Language

 © All Rights Reserved mfaith76

Along with seemingly the entire country, I was shocked and saddened by Tim Russert’s death last week.

I always admired Tim; his down-to-earth attitude, coupled with one of the sharpest political minds around, made him a joy to watch. A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting him at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC, and he acted like he had been waiting around his whole life just to talk to me. My daughter was excited by all the Hollywood types and a little amused that I was more thrilled to meet Tim Russert than I was to meet James Earl Jones.

The sudden death of any person, whether someone famous or someone personal to us, seems to make us stop and reflect and wonder what life has in store. Tim Russert obviously loved his work and his family and was happy and totally fulfilled in the life he created for himself. How many of us can say that?

One of my first thoughts after learning of his death was to worry about my husband, who really needs to take better care of himself. I can’t begin to imagine the hole that Tim Russert’s death left in his wife’s heart and, frankly, I don’t want to experience it first-hand.

I also remembered my mother, who I lost a few years ago. We had a sometimes difficult relationship, but I still miss her deeply at some unexpected times. I don’t think those losses ever go away.

Then I started thinking about my own life. If I died tomorrow, whose life would be affected? What things have I accomplished in my life that I’m proudest of, and what things have I still left undone?

If I died tomorrow, would my husband, my family, and my closest friends have any doubt how I feel about them? I think they know how deeply and completely I love them but, just in case, I’m going to make sure they hear it from me, clearly and often.

The lessons I take from Tim Russert’s life and death are these:

1. Be passionate and heartfelt about your life and your work. Nothing takes the place of living a life full of joy in everything you do.

2. Be true to who you really are. Life your own life, the way you want to live it. In this country, a working-class boy from Buffalo can affect more lives than a king or president.

3. Life is truly short. We never know what’s around the next corner, so get real with what’s important to you and make every minute count.

If you died tomorrow, what life experiences would you have left undone?

ps: the beautiful double rainbow in the photo above appeared in the skies over DC just as Tim Russert’s memorial service at the Kennedy Center was ending with a musical rendition of “Over the Rainbow”. Thanks to mfaith76 for letting me use it.

I was in a group discussion the other evening, prompted by a quote. I’m totally paraphrasing here, because I can’t remember the actual quote (or even who said it).

“Three things you can’t take back once someone has them: learning, pride and fearlessness.”

Although we talked about all three, the group seemed to fix especially on the notion of “pride”. Some thought that pride wasn’t necessarily good, that humility is a better attribute. Some thought that pride could be misplaced, such as having pride in one’s country when you disagree vehemently with the things your country is doing. Some thought that pride could be taken away, by someone who humiliates you and degrades you.

I think having pride means feeling whole, centered and complete in who you are and what your place is in the world. It’s being comfortable in your own skin and not needing outside affirmation to tell you that you’re fine. And once you achieve that place, no one can take it away from you; it’s inside you and not subject to the whims or the negative forces of other people.

Given that, I see it as quite possible to have pride and humility. In fact, true pride always carries with it a piece that is humility. You can feel whole and complete with yourself, and still feel humble in the face of something greater – whether that’s a higher power or a movement or being part of the human race. Think of Nelson Mandela or the Dalai Lama. I submit that both men are secure in who they are, and feel pride and wholeness in that knowing, yet are humbled in the face of something bigger. They are proud men, but not “prideful”, which I see as arrogance.

Becoming whole, calm, centered and secure in your own skin is something to work towards. The best thing about finally developing this pride in yourself is that, once you have it, you simply cannot fail. You are you, and you live your life successfully 24 hours a day.

What life lessons have you learned? What parts of “you” make you a better person?

“Everyone is talented at something. Everyone.”

Steve Roesler starts off a recent blog post with those words, offering a direct connection to another Core Dynamic I’m having issues with. This one is “limiting self expression” and it’s a doozy. It’s what keeps me from taking a bigger place in the world — it’s what keeps me small and contained. Safe, even — or so I think.

I know I’m not alone. I have a client who broke down in tears the other day because she learned that some other people in her field were doing a local workshop she had thought up — right down to the same title. Now, she hadn’t shared her idea for the workshop with anyone — it literally existed only in her mind – but that didn’t stop her from feeling (as she put it) betrayed and like a total failure.

Strong words. And stronger feelings. She was surprised, and more than a little embarrassed, at the depth of her feelings on an issue that she felt was irrational. These other people didn’t know that she was thinking about doing a workshop so she not only felt like a failure but she was beating herself up for allowing those feelings to overcome her.

It should be pretty obvious that this wasn’t about the workshop. It was a much deeper, fundamental feeling that she didn’t deserve success…and if she was successful she would pay the price. People (unspecified) would resent her and, besides, who was she to be telling other people what to do with their lives when her own was so messed up?

Does any of this sound familiar?

Working through this dynamic can have a profound effect on your life. When this dynamic is absent, you feel whole and complete without having to rely on outside affirmation. You know who you are and you are secure in expressing yourself fully in every aspect of your life.

This is an area I’m going to be spending some significant time on in the next week, to try and banish it from my life. I know I’m talented at a lot of things — now it’s time to put them to good use.

Where are you holding back in your life? Is there something you’re keeping hidden? Let it out for a little sunshine and air, and see what develops.

And let me know how that’s working out for you.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m working with a special group of people dedicated to living a very cool life. As part of the process, we’re looking at the Core Dynamics of Common Problems and understanding how these dynamics are present in our lives.

One in particular I’m having difficulty getting rid of.

It’s called “Looking for yourself where you are not”. With this dynamic present, I tend to look outside myself for completeness – to other people, or to possessions, or to recognition for who I am in the world.

It’s a hard one to get past and, judging from some of the concerns I hear from clients, it’s something a lot of people struggle with.

Here are some suggestions for getting to the essence of who you are, and learning to be happy in that place.

1. Discover what you really want.  Are you lingering in a job, or relationship, or living situation that doesn’t serve you well? Do you tend to turn life decisions over to circumstances or other people? Take some time and decide what you want for yourself. Be willing to make mistakes, or to step out into the unknown. Believe that the world in unfolding as it should, and let yourself be guided into your own perfect place.

2. Accept your mediocrity. You don’t have to be perfect at everything. There are plenty of things in your life that you do “good enough” – making an omelet, vacuuming the carpet, mowing the lawn – and that don’t need to be done any better. Give yourself permission to be “good enough” in these areas and move on.

3. Create a vision board. Think for a minute about who you want to be, where you want to live, what you want to do with your life. Create a picture of that person using photos, magazine pictures, words, whatever speaks to you, and put it all on a poster board. Hang it where you’ll see it every day and start manifesting that “you”.

4. Change your thoughts. If you find yourself saying, “I should have done thus-and-so”, or, “I really ought to do this instead of that”, rewrite the script. Ask yourself “why?” Why should I volunteer for this committee? What will happen if I don’t? Whose life am I living? And if you find the answer is “someone else’s life”, give yourself permission to say no and start looking for something you can say yes to.

If you’re complete and happy with yourself, then you understand that your life is unfolding perfectly. If you stay in that place of true understanding and perfection, you can’t fail.

Where are you looking outside yourself for affirmation and how is that affecting your life?